She's All
by Mirror and Image
Summary: [Complete] Songfic. After an agruement, Zelgadiss ponders his relationship with Lina.


**She's All I Ever Had** by M&I

* * *

Zelgadiss walked through the forest alone. Another possible cure gone down the drain. He couldn't bring himself to face his friends. Not after he'd yelled at them like he did. And the things he'd said to Lina... it was to much. He entered a small clearing, the moon shining down, illuminating his hair. He sat down in the center of the clearing and looked up to the stars, thinking.

* * *

_

Here I am   
Broken wings   
Quiet thoughts   
Unspoken dreams 

* * *

_

"Zel?" Lina had asked. _"Are you okay?"_

"Hell no!" he'd shouted. _ "How did I ever get stuck like this? What did I do to deserve this kind of punishment?"_

"Zelgadiss-san, Lina-san is only trying to help you."

"And a fine help you all are!"

Zelgadiss sighed. He had been so angry when everything fell apart. He wished he could take back what he said.

_"I swear, there must be a curse on me. Not only am I turned into a chimera, but I'm stuck with people like you! A swordsman who barely knows what a hilt is, a justice loving, overbearing freak, and_ Lina Inverse,_ of all people!"_

He laid down in the tall grass, praying to the stars for forgiveness.

_"You've played me for the last time Lina! I'm not going to follow you any more like some kind of lacky. I'm no longer going to put up with you senseless, carefree recklessness, your lust for hurting, even killing other people. I won't put up with your obsession for money or need to spend it all on food! You're just a user, Lina! You hitch up with people and take them for all their worth! Well, I'm not going to fall for it any longer! You'll never see me again!"_

He'd been so foolish to say those words. He regretted it as soon as he finished saying them. He saw the tears in her eyes. She was angry, yes, and she had every right to be. But she was hurt, too. And he was the one responsible. He'd left out of sorrow rather than anger. How stupid could he be to yell at his only friends like that? Now he had no one.

* * *

_

Here I am   
Alone again   
And I need her now   
To hold my hand 

_

* * *

Zelgadiss had been alone all his life. Then he'd met Lina, and his life changed. He'd found friends, people who accepted him for who and what he was. Lina had introduced him to another world of emotions. He discovered there was more to life than anger and revenge and sadness. She had brought him to the lighter side of life. One where people could sincerely laugh and be happy with who they are. She had become his lifeline, his one link to sanity and he threw her away like a piece of garbage.

* * *

_

She's all, she's all I ever had   
She's the air I breathe   
She's all, she's all I ever had 

_

* * *

Even if they were stupid, even if they were dangerous, even if they were pointless, Zel had alway enjoyed traveling with Lina. The adventures and misadventures helped him see Lina's version of the world. He would watch her thrash bandit gangs and beat up Mazoku. It made him smile even to think about it.

He stared up to the moon, wondering how he had gotten so lucky as to find such a person of joy like Lina

* * *

_

It's the way she makes me feel   
It's the only thing that's real   
It's the way she understands   
She's my lover, she's my friend 

_

* * *

She had him pegged in a second. She had told him that the instant she saw him she knew who he was.

"You're a noble person," was the first thing she said when she explained it. "The type to keep your word no matter what. I had no doubt that all you wanted was a business transaction, but at the time I thought you were a bad guy. You certainly played the part pretty well. And you're honest to. You speak you mind, however bluntly, and you don't care what the others think. And you're loyal. You have a friend and you stick by them no matter what. Which is a good thing since I could always use a guy like you."

"A guy like me?"

"Yeah. Someone with enough intelligence to know what I'm talking about, and enough wit to keep things interesting. You're quiet as hell, but when you do finally open up, you're a great conversationalist. And you listen. I could be talking about complete crap, but you will still be able to follow me, and in some cases, give me insight on what I'm talking about."

"What else?"

"You're gentle. Sure, you make a great show about being all cold and heartless, but you're really not. Perfect example: When you had gone after me to get the statue, and you knocked the wind out of me? You regretted doing that. I saw it written all over you face. You were walking up to me all slow and dramatic like, but it was in your eyes. You saw me hurt and hated the fact that you'd caused it. Your eyes give you away a lot, you know. They're the first thing I look at in order to read you."

* * *

_

And when I look into her eyes   
It's the way I feel inside   
Like the man I want to be   
She's all I ever need 

_

* * *

Zelgadiss watched a star shoot out of the heavens. If his eyes gave him away, then maybe she knew that he loved her. Deeply. Gods, why did he have to go and say those awful things and hurt her like that? She was the first person who had ever made him feel whole. Like a real man, the one he thought he never could be. Around Lina, he felt normal. Not a freak. Not a monster. Not a chimera. Just normal. He'd never felt that since the transformation. And he cherished that feeling once he'd found it. Lina was the first person to look at him dead in the face and not shy away. Even Zolf and Rodimus would shrink a little; his new face so different and hideous.

Lina was the first for a lot of things.

* * *

_

So much time   
So much pain (but)   
There's one thing   
That still remains (It's the) 

_

* * *

How many years have gone by? How many times had his heart been broken by false leads and fake cures? He'd gone through so much in his life. There had been so many trials and tribulations. So many hopes and consecutive disapointments. Zelgadiss looked at his past and he found it hard. Even before his transfromation. Rezo had treated him more like a follower than a desendant. No one really ever opened up to him. Hell, no one was ever really willing to get close to him.

But Lina found a challenge in Zelgadiss. And Zel learned very early how much she enjoyed a challenge.

* * *

_

The way she cared   
The love we shared   
And through it all   
She's always been there 

_

* * *

She did care for him. Zel wasn't sure how much, but the care was there.

She went out of her way to make him feel happy when they'd first met. She had gotten him to laugh for the first time in years. Lina had been the one to free him from Rezo's control at his tower. She was the first one to support him when he went on his search. The others would get bored, or tired, or annoyed. Lina never did. She just looked to the bright side of everything.

It didn't matter how fustrated, how infuriated, Zel got, she always managed to make the pain less.

A cloud passed over the moon. Zel blinked, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. She had been there for Zelgadiss almost from the beginning.

* * *

_

She's all, she's all I ever had   
In a world so cold, so empty   
She's all, she's all I ever had 

_

* * *

Zelgadiss took a deep breath, the cool night air filling his lungs. He'd left Lina standing, he didn't even give her time to fireball him. A new wave of regret passed over him as he thought about his options. He could go back, get burned to a crisp like he deserved, and ask quietly for forgiveness. The only drawback is he would have to look at those ruby red eyes and see the pain he caused.

Or he could leave, like he said. And never see her again. He wouldn't be able to cause her hurt anymore, and most likely she would be better off without him. But the though of facing such a cold, empty world like this one scared him. It was difficult to see the happy world Lina saw without Lina actually there to point things out.

Zel couldn't really picture his life without Lina, but he didn't want to be so selfish that he would go back to her and cause more pain.

* * *

_

It's the way she makes me feel   
It's the only thing that's real   
It's the way she understands   
She's my lover, she's my friend 

_

* * *

Zel sat up in the grass. A chill wind blew, but he barely felt it.

Would it really be selfish to go back? Lina was always after him to swallow his pride and just accept things. A few hours ago he'd made a mistake. He'd said some very hurtful things out of anger, not only to Lina, but to everyone else. He did owe them an apology. It would be the right thing to do, and whatever punishment they gave him, he would accept.

* * *

_

And when I look into her eyes   
It's the way I feel inside   
Like the man I want to be   
She's all I ever need 

_

* * *

"I'll do it," he said out loud. He'll go up to Lina, look into her big eyes and fess up. At the very least she'll be caught speechless. It's certainly the last thing she'd expect from him. Maybe things would work out after all.

He stood up and turned around. Zel had taken three steps when Lina, of all people, stepped out into the clearing. The two stared at each other, neither one sure of what to do.

"Zelgadiss?" she asked carefully.

"Lina, I'm sorry." The words fell out of his mouth. "I never meant any of the things I said. I was just so upset that another cure failed. I let everything out on you and the others, and I shouldn't have."

"Zel--"

"No," he said firmly. "Let me finish. I said some very mean and hurtful things, and I take back every one of them. I know I shouldn't ask this, but can you find it at all in yourself to forgive me? I'll take whatever punishment you want. You can fireball me, hit me, yell at me, even Dragu Slave me. I deserve it after the things I said."

"Zel--"

"I care for you Lina. More than anyone in my entire life. You showed me things about this world. The caring, gentle, soft side that I didn't even know existed. I couldn't bare the thought of going through the rest of my life without seeing those things with you. Please, say you'll forgive me."

Zelgadiss lowered his eyes. He said everything he'd wanted to and more. It was her move now, and he wasn't sure what to expect. He looked at his shadow and realized that the sun was rising. Had he spent all night out here?

"Zel?" He looked up to see Lina right in front of him. "I know you didn't mean it, okay? I told you, your eyes give you away. Of course I forgive you, why wouldn't I? As for your punishment, just kiss me and I'll forget the whole thing."

"Kiss you?" Zelgadiss couldn't help blushing.

"Of course," Lina said smiling. "You didn't think I'd let you spill your feelings like that and not return the favor, did you?" She stood on her toes and gently kissed the chimera. Zel stood there shocked for a moment, but returned the favor in kind. He looked up to the sunrise. His mind racing.

* * *

_

Here I am 

_

* * *

**THE END**


End file.
